bad news: i've got a broken neck

Today my [very new] doctor informed me that I have an abnormal spine. Apparently it curves weirdly in my neck--"scooping" above my shoulders and then going to the left--making my neck jut out a bit more than it should. She even impersonated it for me, which was really the cherry on top. Thanks, Doc. I hardly know you, but I will forever remember you for making me realize I am actually the hunchback of Notre Dame.

It didn't help the situation that every prescription she wrote for me [so freely, too--just, "here, have some muscle relaxers for pain, but, uhhh, you probably shouldn't take them before work if you play with a lot of numbers because you'll be a little loopy"] all had the name Laurel on them. Really? You're sitting directly in front of my chart. You couldn't take one second to double check my name?

The final, most horrific blow? She commented that the cause of my pain might be attributed to two of my favorite things: my "heavy chain" [a turquoise and gold strand necklace I bought a couple weekends ago] and my "one-sided pocketbook" [the black Lamarthe handbag my mom got for me while we were in Paris last summer]. How dare she try to pinpoint those as the problem! Honestly, I'd give up my neck for those. A single piece of non-neck-altering-clothing never makes me as happy, for as long, as accessories do--whether it's a $5 scarf or a $400 pair of shoes. I'd be happy never buying clothes, or moving my neck, again--as long as I got to purchase my damn heavy chains and pocketbooks.


Nicole said...

Doctors like this is why I'm going to practice complementary alternative medicine. Acupunture, omega-3s, all that weird stuff. At least it won't fuck you up like two muscle relaxants and a glass of wine can. That shit is scary.

Kelly Lauren said...

lol welcome to my life! I have the same thing except they call it scoliosisisisis or whatever and yeah I have a weak sacro-illiac which is in your lower back and it's a tendon or something and so basically, I'll have back pain forever. So, sitting is BAD. even laying down for too long is bad. I have to have a special pillow. And yeah, only take muscle relaxers before bed. I even sit on this foam... thing, in my car so it helps it or something. welcome to old age! oh well. you only live once. I still wear heels, heavy bags, slouch, sit with my ipod in front of me and slouching,etc...